Family and Faith: Family – Sermon on Ephesians 5.21-6.4

Posted on September 16, 2013 by taylormertins

(preached at St. John’s UMC on 9/15/2013)

Ephesians 5.21-6.4:

Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, be subject to your husbands as you are to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife just as Christ is the head of the church, the body of which he is the Savior. Just as the church is subject to Christ, so also wives ought to be, in everything, to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, in order to make her holy by cleansing her with the washing of water by the word, so as to present the church to himself in splendor, without a spot or wrinkle or anything of the kind – yes, so that she may be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as they do their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hates his own body, but he nourishes and tenderly cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, because we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, and I am applying it to Christ and the church. Each of you, however, should love his wife as himself, and a wife should respect her husband. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” – this is the first commandment with a promise: “so that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.” And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Families of faith – part 2. Last week we looked at the role of God within the family; we talked about how our relationships with God extend out toward others, and we left with the challenge to encounter God through his Word and prayer. Today we are focusing on the family unit itself, and what it means to be a Christian family.

Have you ever heard of the lectionary? It is a great tool. Many churches and pastors use it to help orient and guide their worship throughout the year. It is a three-year cycle of scripture lessons that allows a community to make its way through the length of the Bible. At its best it forces us, and by us I mean me, to examine different parts of scripture and apply them on a weekly basis. However, at its worst it prevents us from encountering the most troubling verses in scripture because they are conveniently absent from the lectionary.

One of the other options is coming up with an authentic and exciting sermon series. A pastor or a church picks a topic, finds scripture to go along with the message and BOOM! God’s Word breathes new life from the pulpit. At its best it allows us, and by us I mean me, to speak toward and about specific issues within the community and really get at the heart of contemporary Christianity. However at its worst, sermon series reinforce the distancing of difficult texts from being proclaimed in church.

As I was putting together the sermon for this week I kept thinking about the scripture that Pam just read, the so-called “house-hold” code from Ephesians, and I was thankful that I wasn’t going to preach on that text. Its too difficult, filled with ancient patriarchal balderdash that has no place in the modern church. So instead I looked for easier passages, you know something nice from the psalms or proverbs, and maybe a narrative from the New Testament about a mother and her son, but the more I tried to pray and write, the further I felt from God’s Word. And, as the Holy Spirit is apt to do, I was pushed toward preaching on the Ephesians passage precisely because it is so difficult.

I remember once being at a magnificent wedding. The beautiful bride made her way elegantly down the center aisle to her sweetly crying soon to be husband. I can remember the groom, with excited anticipation, nervously rocking back and forth on his heels. The church was decorated perfectly, all the guests sitting with smiles on their faces, women crying, and men pretending not to cry; a truly wonderful wedding.

And there was the pastor, standing before the bride and groom and all of us ready to give his homily. He probably said something about love: love is patient; love is kind; it bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things (1 Corinthians 13.4, 7). And then all of the sudden he started quoting Ephesians: “Wives, be subject to your husbands as you are to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife just as Christ is the head of the church.”

I cringed.

He went on, waxed lyrically about the sanctity of marriage and the different roles the bride and the groom were to play and he ended with this: “John your job is to love your wife, and Sally your job is to respect your husband.”

I have a hard time with the text from Ephesians, or at least the way it has been used throughout the centuries to reinforce gender and sex divisions. It passages like this one that have kept women from being independent, from defining their own future, and even from standing in the pulpit. It puts forth a blueprint not only for marriage but also for simple for male-female interactions that defines the role of the woman versus the role of the man.

“Wives, be subject to your husbands as you are to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife just as Christ is the head of the church, the body of which he is the Savior. Just as the church is subject to Christ, so also wives ought to be, in everything, to their husbands.”

I have heard men use these words to continually suppress their wives and other women throughout the church in such an embarrassing way that I have always been afraid to preach from this text.

But then I realized something.

Most people skip over verse 21: “Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

There can be no doubt that Paul had the patriarchal family order as the backdrop in his letter because he knew no other. But the beginning of the passage touches on something that shines forth an incredible beauty within the family dynamic: Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ.

The virtue of submission is not popular in our contemporary period. Our desire for freedom and individuality makes the practices of submitting to one another appear obsolete or even negative. Maintaining equality is too important to allow for people to submit themselves to each other. In a way, though, Christianity is committed to the doctrine of human equality in a deeper sense than the ways of the world. It’s not just about an equal playing field, but instead more about submissiveness on every side within a family.

The good news of mutual submission within a Christian family is inseparable from true love. Loving one another means accepting that other as a person, as a “you” and not an “it.” In marriage, in family, in church, and in life a person is never a mere object. We are created in the beautiful image of God, with our own desires and powers for being in relationship with one another, free to say yes and no.

(Photo Credit: Jill Nicole Photography)

When Paul addresses and calls the church in Ephesus to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ its all about reciprocity! – It does not merely call upon the less powerful to submit, it equally charges the more powerful to act with gentleness toward and concern for those around them.

When we read the rest of the passage in Ephesians, the description of the household codes for Christians, we need to keep the very first verse at the forefront of our minds – Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Think about your own families for just a moment, your marriages, your children, and your parents. In living out your Christian identity as a family have you given yourself to others out of love for Christ? How might all of our families look and feel different if we first address one another selflessly in order to mirror what Christ did for us.

Paul writes: Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, in order to make her holy by cleansing her with the washing of the water by the word. Love your wives. This does not just mean, tell her she looks pretty, buy her flowers every once in awhile, let her hold the remote control for the television. It means loving your partner with self-sacrificial care, “just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her.” The Christian family is so much more than love, its about sacrifice, trust, reliability, about laying down yourself for the other person out of submissiveness. And wives this goes for you too, Christian marriage and family requires us to enter into this kind of covenant together. This does not just mean, iron his shirts, cook dinner, or let him hold the remote control for the television. How many of us really love our families in the way that Christ loved the church, enough to mount the hard wood of the cross? Love is easy; what you do after love is the hard part.

And children! You’re part of this too. – Honor your father and mother because you are promised that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth. You are called to submit yourselves to your parents out of reverence for Christ! But parents are also supposed to do the same toward you…

A household in which moral chaos rules, is a tragedy for a child. Adjusting to adult life is never easy. Think about this with me – Can a greater blessing come to a child than to see father and mother in penitent prayer? Realizing that Dad and Mom themselves are sinners! Mom and Dad confessing. When done appropriately penitence on the parents’ side will not rob the parent of their authority within the family. It will instead place obedience within a larger framework of Christian living. Just imagine what it would look like to you if you saw your mother and father on either side of you in the pew, praying and asking for forgiveness for the ways they have fallen short. How would you respond?

In our culture today, we need more than an “educational system” to help our children because secular education will not suffice. We can no longer rely on the school system to teach children everything they need to learn in order to more fully live in the world. Similarly, children need to have the space and freedom to speak the truth against us when we make mistakes because we are always growing and learning what it means to be Christian in the world. There must be admonition of the Lord.

Having a Christian family is only really possible when it mirrors the inclusive grace of the kind of love that is the supreme gift of the Holy Spirit in Jesus Christ.

I think what bothered me most about hearing that preacher during the wedding wasn’t that he used the passage from Ephesians, but how he interpreted it. There was a very clear separation of roles from the man and the woman – love and respect. However, Christian family life can no longer fit into the blueprint that is established in these verses (and they could never fit into them during the first century either).

Families today are no longer made up of only a husband and wife, 2.2 children, a dog and cat, and a white picket fence. Many children today grow up in families with only one mother, or just one father, or their raised by their grandparents, or they have two dads, or two moms, or they’re raised by adopted parents. There are stay-at-home dads as well as stay-at-home moms. Some couples choose not to have kids, and some are incapable. Those families exist not because of a blueprint that they are trying to match, but instead because they are born out of love and submissiveness to one another.

Calls for submission are on all sides – husband to wife and wife to husband – children to parents and parents to children. In our modern world, family life places demands upon mutual subjection greater than ever before.

Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ. Living into the calling of a Christian family can no longer take place in the form of fitting into an ideal shape or box; Raising and being part of a family is tough. We are not commanded to have complete separate and isolated roles, but are instead invited to mirror the love and life of Christ in the way that we live and love others! Christ is the solid rock upon which we stand, the great and almighty “I AM”, the one in whom we live and move and have our being, the incarnate deity, the beginning and the end.

Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Amen.

Family and Faith: God – Sermon on Proverbs 3.1-8 & Ephesians 4.1-6

Posted on September 9, 2013 by taylormertins

(Preached at St. John’s UMC on 9/8/2013. I am indebted to Will Willimon’s sermon “Don’t Think For Yourself” for inspiring parts of the following sermon (Willimon, Will. The Collected Sermons of William H. Willimon (Louisville: John Knox Press, 2010), 123-127.))

Proverbs 3.1-8

My child, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments; for length of days and years of life and abundant welfare they will give you. Do not let loyalty and faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. So you will find favor and good repute in the sight of God and of people. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil. It will be a healing for your flesh and a refreshment for your body.

Ephesians 4.1-6

I therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, making every effort to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to the one hope of your calling, one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is above all and through all and in all.

Is that really written in Proverbs? Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight? I was always taught to think for myself. Haven’t we been told to do that all of our lives? We can assign you the right books, we can help you get into college, we can show you the door, but you’re the one who has to walk through it. Think for yourself! We can teach you all about God, politics, or even healthy eating habits, but freedom is important, make your own choices.

Be independent, employ your true freedom; create your own way of life. Go out and get your hands dirty, lose yourself in something beyond yourself, fight for something worth fighting for but above all think for yourself. What a perfect bumper sticker for our culture. All I need to get through this world is me, my thoughts, my opinions, and my beliefs.

When I read through our scripture for today it made me think about a time I was helping a church in Michigan. Now this church was HUGE. While I was attending the services there were easily over 1000 people in worship on Sundays between their multiple services. You could choose between different styles of worship and at different times, you could choose between preachers and types of sermons. When I started helping out, there were five pastors on the staff each working in a different area within the church. They offered activities every week from Bible Studies, to service opportunities, to Yoga classes. In fact the first week I was there I served on a panel to discuss the theological virtues of the hit series The Hunger Games for concerned parents and parishioners. They had a lot going on.

Even though on the surface it seemed like everything was great at the church, there was something missing. There was basically no one in their 20s attending the church. Now, perhaps they assumed that because I was 24 I could explain this phenomenon they decided to give me the results of their recent questionnaire to make sense of it all. The church had recently done a massive survey of the congregation, the community, and members who had left the church. They asked all the typical questions: Has you attendance increased or decreased over the last year? Why or why not? Do you prefer to receive information from phone calls, text messages, mail, or email? Etc. But what they were really trying to discover was why none of the young people were in attendance.

What I discovered surprised me, and I believe it greatly reflects our current culture, and the scriptures for today.

Indeed, the 20-30 year age group was the lowest number for attending church, but they did not need to use a questionnaire to discover that fact. Do you know what surprised me the most? The largest group to decrease in attendance over the last year was the 45-55 year age group. Why?

As far as I can tell here is the common cycle for church attendance: A lot of people grow up in the church, when they go off to college they stop attending until the get married, have kids, realize they have no idea what they’re doing and so they start attending again. This cycle has been true for many people that I have met in my life but there is a newer trend developing. A significant portion of parents stop attending church once their children leave for college. That’s why they went back in the first place, they went back for their kids, and now that they’ve grown up, there’s no reason for them to keep attending. So that child comes back home for the first time, maybe at thanksgiving break: “Hey Mom and Dad, what time are we leaving for church tomorrow?” “Oh honey, we haven’t been recently, but I guess we can go tomorrow…

Think for yourself. Isn’t that what we want for our children, for our friends, for our families? We don’t want to push people too far, no indoctrination, we want everyone to be free to do anything they want… but thinking for ourselves, only for ourselves, often gets us in trouble. Thinking for ourselves has led to the current situation in Syria where we spend days and weeks debating whether or not to drop strategic bombs, thinking for ourselves has led to the growing number of impoverished people across the world and even in our own neighborhoods, thinking for ourselves has led to great numbers of people no longer attending church because they can handle life on their own…

God speaks to us through the writer of Proverbs: “My child, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments; for length of days and years of life and abundant welfare they will give you.” Paul similarly speaks to us in his letter to the Ephesians: “I therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, making every effort to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to the one hope of your calling, one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is above all and through all and in all.”

In many ways, God is pleading through these verses: Do not think just for yourself. Think beyond yourself. I know that sounds drastic and remarkably contradictory when compared to the American dream, but to be followers of Jesus Christ requires us to orient ourselves and our thinking toward God, and not the other way around.

God begins by addressing us as we truly are: his children. We all have one heavenly Father who is above all and through all and in all. God has called us to lead worthy lives with humility and gentleness, patience and bearing with one another in love.

Being a part of this church community carries with it the responsibility to remember God’s teachings, and to keep his commandments. During the time of the Old Testament the Israelites were taught to remember and keep God’s commands: Deuteronomy 6.4-9: “Hear, O Israel: The Lord is our God, the Lord alone. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your might. Keep these words that I am commanding you today in your heart. Recite them to your children and talk about them when you are at home and when you are away, when you lie down and when you rise. Bind them as a sign on your hand, fix them as an emblem on your forehead, and write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” Remember these words, because they are an alternative for the world’s desire to isolate us from one another; They calls us to be in unity as a body. They call us to remember. We can maintain our individuality but we must not lose sight of our interconnectedness as the body of Christ. It’s important for us to remember how unique each of us are, but we are all in this together.

Instead of commanding us to think for ourselves, God calls us to keep his words! Teach them to your children and your friends. Live out your vocation as a Christian in your actions, words, and deeds. Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, soul, mind and strength. Do not rely on your own insight, do not think for yourself alone, do not be wise in your own eyes, fear the Lord and turn away from evil.

Where God sits in your life will extend to people outside of you. When you keep his words and live out you’re calling as Christians your families and your friends will notice. Be holy just as God is holy…

When I discovered the decrease in attendance of parents whose children had grown up, I was surprised, but it made so much sense. Think about what it says to those around you when you decide that church is no longer a priority, what it says when God is no longer at the center of your life? Our words and behavior are powerful things, not just for ourselves but also for those around us.

I met a man once, perhaps you know someone just like him. He lived a good life, came to church at Christmas and Easter, and made it through day after day by relying on himself. Sure his family was a little dysfunctional, but whose isn’t? His kids had grown up, went off to college, and had little contact with their father. He assumed everything was normal until one day, out of the blue, one of his friends invited him to a group that met before work hours at the church to pray and enjoy coffee together. He went, reluctantly, sat in the back, and kept his head down. But the more he attended the meetings, the more he started to notice little changes in his life. After reaching a certain comfort level with the other men he started to share his own prayer concerns, his own questions about the bible, and even his own disappointments in his life. His prayer life grew outside of the group and he began to regularly commune with God.

When I met him, he had been attending the group for five years; he told me that his entire disposition toward life had been transformed. He spoke with his children regularly, he found pleasure in his career, and above all he had discovered his relationship with God. “It changed everything,” he told me, “praying like this, reading scripture, opening up. It changed my work, it changed my family, but most importantly it changed me. I realized that I’m not going through life all on my own and its not up to me to do everything; God is with us.”

Families of Faith: that’s the title of this sermons series. What does it mean today to be a family of faith. One of the greatest joys of being part of a family of faith, like this church, is realizing that we have been freed from the burden of having to always and constantly think for and care for ourselves alone.

Can you imagine how truly freeing that is? Have you ever experienced that kind of relief in your lives? Having a relationship with God does not guarantee that everything will be completely turned around like the man that I met, but it can at least bring newness and a sense of peace previously undiscovered.

Families of faith contain three important priorities: God, the family itself, and others, but it must first begin with God. By heeding the words of scripture from Proverbs and Ephesians, we can teach and remind our family and friends the commandments that were first handed to us. If we write the love of God on the tablet of our hearts it will be conveyed to the people around us.

One of the ways that we can live out our relationship with God in the family is to reclaim our commitment to reading scripture and having a regular prayer life. When I was growing up the only time we ever prayed as a family was before meals, and we certainly never read the bible aloud. How can we convey faith to our children, our parents, or our friends? Unlike the families that leave their children and friends to “think for themselves” in isolation we can show how wonderful it is to trust in the Lord. It is my hope that starting this week we can all start to read a little more and pray a little more and maybe, just maybe, we’ll start to see the fruitful value of these practices in our lives.

Trusting in the Lord and not relying on our own insight is a challenge because the world has always been telling us to think for ourselves. However, there is one body and one Spirit, one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is above all and through all and in all.

What a great God we have: the one who freed us from the loneliness of the world.

Amen.